Nail Polish

Monet had his paints, Rodin his stone, Frank Lloyd Wright his blueprints. I have my tangled tapestry of extemporaneous bullshit. Anyone who has known me for more than 10 minutes has been lied to. Nothing serious of course, merely playful anecdotes or fabricated facts I use to entertain myself and those around me. Amongst my favorites are convincing an un-named ex-girlfriend that Viennese immigrant Adolf Whataburger founded the popular fast food chain and sending my brother to the dairy section to get, and this is important, /rooster/ eggs.

So a few days ago a handful of us were watching Lost in Sarah's apartment. Now, Sarah, for those of you who havn't had the pleasure, is in fact a girl. As such various female accouterments were strewn about her apartment. So my mind wandered as it often does and I found myself painting my left thumbnail with "Royal Passion" polish that I encountered on a end table. Whenever someone asked me why I responded with "I was bored".

Then I had a much better idea. I decided that I would generate an entirely original bullshit reason for painting my thumbnail every time someone asked me about it. So far I have these:

1. "In high school a buddy of mine passed away of cancer. We all wear this as a memorial. Since he died so young it really struck us that we need to live life to it's fullest every single ...blah blah blah"
2. "It was the color a girl I tried to pull from traffic was wearing" (this story came complete with the display of a scar on my knee I got when my hip was clipped and my knee struck the curb. The scar is actually from endoing into a creek.)
3. "To make a long story short, I won't tell it"
4. "I decided to try stand up comedy and promised myself that if I bombed five times in a row (showing five fingers) I would walk away. I've bombed once (showing painted thumb)"
5. "It's personal"
6. "I can't take it off until the suit settles"
7. "I am working on this peice on the piano. For some reason that thumb is always a key off so I painted it so I could 'watch' it in my periphery while reading the music"
8. "I'm a fifth gay"

Stories number 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7 actually convinced their recipients. =-D