Crazy Story

So it's 2:30 in the morning and I am sleeping on Sean's couch with the sliding door to the patio slightly open for air. My bike is laid down in the patio so no one could see it behind the wall. All is quiet until I hear a sound outside that wakes me up faster than water to the face. I squint out the sliding door to see what it was and see my bike floating out of the porch. Immediatly fully awake and overtaken with aggression I yell out a nondescript gutteral sound, something to the effect of "Ho!". The bike continues it's journey out of my patio as I rise up and get to the door. When I see the dude trying to /steal my fucking bike/ I close to lose it. I yell out the same neanderthal "Ho!" and open the screen door to step into the patio and confront my would-be theif. Once I get out there he stops in his tracks and I ask "What're you doing, man?". For a couple of seconds we just stand there looking at each other. I was essentially waiting for him to return the bike and apologize. He began to walk away again. So now I am climbing over the wall with Sean's nine-iron in my hand (his clubs were handily on the porch as well) laughing in murderous disbelief. I was ready to completely destroy this dude, and I had a weapon so I felt god-damned invincible.

Fortunately it never came to blows. I managed to intimidate him in time to avoid all that mess and he said "take it, sorry man" and walked off. I almost roared in victorious passion.

Anyway, now I am very riled up and can't get to sleep.