Big and Tall

"Big & Tall: Casual Male" had a very clear message for me today. That message is that I am neither "Big" nor "Tall" and that I am in fact small, short, miniscule and wee.

This message is very at odds with what the rest of the haberdashery retail world has to say to me. In their world view I am both "Big" and "Tall" to such an extent that they havn't the time, resources, or desire to assemble clothing that will fit me.

So I stand in a strange sort of apparel limbo. I have 3 options available to me:
Option 1: Wait until my current wardrobe deteriates beyond use and get arrested for indecent exposure, be sent to prison where, I recently learned first hand, that they have no shoes my size.
Option 2: Lose roughly 15 lbs so I can count myself in the upper echelon of "Normal" sizes
Option 3: Gain roughly 50 lbs so I can count myself in the lower echelon of "Big and Tall" sizes

1 is easy and I figure I'll wind up in prison at some point anyway, but it's a catch-22 since I'll be stocking footed when I beat the largest, meanest guy in the room to death and rape his lifeless body in an effort to establish dominance. I can't deal with being stocking footed.

I'm still single so it would behoove me to wait on option 3 until I "lock that shit down".

Option 2 is really my only way out of this quagmire. So now I need to develop a bad body image, an ironically difficult task for me.