I think "John Cubicle" was pretty clever

No one is in the office but me and one other guy. When I'm not being lambasted with question question from coworkers, it turns out, I get my work for the day done withing 2 or 3 hours. For the rest of today I've listened to Spanish music and thought.

Here's what I came up with: I hate cubicles.

I hate cubicles mostly because I can't imagine the purpose they serve. It certainly is not privacy; I consider a space private when I am free to be as might be construed 'inappropriate' without fear of consequences. An even weaker definition of privacy might hold that no one can see what you are doing, or that the sounds you make aren't heard by others. A valedictorian might mention the dictionary's definition of privacy: "the quality of being secluded from the presence or view of others".

Cubicles do none of these things.

So what are cubicles for?

One theory I came up with is to provide the illusion of privacy. "When she is sitting she can't see anything but the top of my head." Like inexperienced post-pubescent children struggling to understand love, john cubicle hopes, the constituents of corporate culture will satisfy themselves with a "cubicle-of-cards", if you will. Happy in their cocoons of privacy the worker will buzz along the path of productivity.

This theory doesn't hold water. It's a waste of money to have cubes to provide the illusion of privacy if no one is falling for it.

The next, more sinister theory is sadly the more plausible. I think cubicles were invented as a means of cutting the chit-chat between employees. They serve as barriers between colleagues so you'll focus on your work rather than the cute blonde across the way.

I'll bet there are studies that state cubicles do indeed increase productivity.

What I don't understand is why cubicles exist in the remarkably cooperative world of software development. The chitchat between employees is a base necessity of the software dev process. People working on a project together /need/ to have the ability to look up and ask their colleague something, or to us them as a furby*, etc, etc. I'll grant that cubicles, in their lackluster performance as privacy borders negligibly affect your ability to call out to someone. But since they aren't actually serving any purpose why are they here?

I've decided to slowly dismantle my cubicle. All I need is an allen wrench and I have one of those at home. First to go is the wall to me left.

*I dunno if anyone outside my team uses this term. Y'know when you are stuck on a problem and you grab someone to help, but in the process of explaining your problem you realize the solution? That person is your furby, because they only listened and never actually offered advice. If you don't code for a living you cannot imagine how often this is the case.